Winning

So today I was in leadership class at MHGS and played a part in a role playing game. One person in the group became a women from a church that had recently lost a husband and dealt with a drug addicted son as result of the death. She had gotten involved in a ministry outside the church that "brainwashed" her, in a sense. Another person in the group agreed to be the pastor now sitting down with the women for a talk, because she had started a commotion in the church because of the radical doctrine.
When it was my turn to play a role I grabbed at the chance to be the pastor. I started out really defensive, arguing about doctrine, when one of my team members stopped me to ask if that is what I really wanted to do. So I just started again and stared into the "her" eyes, she was being played by a man:). Anyway, the second time around was much better. I began to reason where she was. The background said that we had been friends in this church for 20 years so I made a point to talk about our history with each other and the church. I agreed to go to the meetings with her, just to see if this is something "our church" could get behind. I made a strong plea to every direction I thought she was coming from, and succeeded by disarming her. In fact I did such a good job that "she" had to break character and said, "I'm really at a loss for what to say." Immediately what crossed my mind "I won" and a smerk grew on my face.
I admitted this to my team when we finished, we laughed. In all I made a few good points and I am so glad I was able, with the help of my team, to stop and redirect away from a doctrine, because I don't really believe in a situation this complicated with someone this hurt that the issue is truly doctrine anyway. But I am amazed at the realization that I did some of that "heartfelt" pleading with "her" to win. I am not naive enough to really think that I have lived my ministry out over the last few years simply to win. But how many conversations or disagreements have I had where my goal was to win? How many people have I missed? What is my record? I am not being hard on myself I am just using this as a place to voice my concern for myself, and a resolve that I will try to move past winning and loosing when it comes to the lives of other people. My guess is I have a long way to go, but one less step after today.